I rowed my boat out to the middle of the lake. All seemed well until my boat sprung a leak and quickly sank. I was alone and treading water. Every once in a while someone would come along in a nice boat, see me treading water and say, “you look to be doing okay. You don’t need my help.” After a while I started to get tired and it was getting harder to keep my head above water. Still, everyone who came by thought I was fine and didn’t need their help.
This it how it feels for me on dialysis. Everyone knows i’m still in the water, but they think i’m okay and don’t need help, when they couldn’t be more wrong. You can only do dialysis for so long before it takes everything out of you. I may look fine, and for the most part, my body does all that it’s supposed to, but mentally and emotionally, I could still use that hand to pull me out of the water. I see so many people who have friends and family coming out the woodwork, offering to donate kidneys, but no one in my family has done so. They’ve left me in the water, and i’m tired. I’m not sure if I can hold my head up much longer.
In case you’re wondering, part one is my last post, about the letter.
On Friday, I talked to a friend of mine in dialysis, who’s been on dialysis as long as me, and has had two kidney transplants. It turns out that he received a letter as well, exactly the same as the one I received, so I’m not the only one that the transplant team is screwing with.
So, on Monday, my mother called the nurse who sent the letter to make an appointment for the ultrasound, and complain (I love my mom. She does all the dirty work for me *L*) about the letter and the fact that we’ll be on hold on the transplant list until the ultrasound is done. She tried to soften it up, saying that we were just on hold, and not off the list, but there really isn’t a difference. If a kidney should (by some miracle) come up that is a match for me, I’m still not going to get it.
Anyway, this nurse explained to my mother that she already sent a requisition for the ultrasound to the radiology department at the hospital, and it’s up to them to call me with an appointment. That kind of tells me that they could call anytime between tomorrow and judgment day. I know that for some people, judgment day is next December, but still, it’s too long to be off the transplant list.
I’ll keep you updated..
I’m getting so sick of seeing people on facebook and twitter asking the public for a kidney donor. The latest one I’ve seen is of a woman in Vancouver who’s transplanted kidney is failing, and she is looking for a new donor. She doesn’t want to go on dialysis. Big fucking deal. I’ve been on dialysis for 7 and a half years. I’ve been waiting my turn like every other poor schlub on dialysis. Why is this woman better than anyone else on dialysis? Because she’s a mother? I know many other mothers who are on dialysis and seem to be doing fine at the job with their kids. Is it because she’s young? I’m younger than she is. I don’t think it’s fair that those who know how to spin a good sob story should be able to jump the line by appealing to the public. Dialysis is no picnic, but it’s not a death sentence. There are so many different options for dialysis these days, especially if you are in a larger centre. I’ve never asked the public for a kidney. I’ve asked my family, but they ignored me. To those people who are not really sick, who are pleading with the public to give them a kidney, I say, grow the fuck up and wait your turn. You are no more deserving than anyone else.
